Old school Ana-blog...

I found my old "analog journal" today. It was a journal I started on the day Josh and I left California for Chicago. I forgot how hard that was for me at the time until I started re-reading some of the entries. I was flipping through the pages and reminiscing what it felt like to take a risk and leave everything you know behind. This is the very first entry I wrote:

7/5/07

Today we begin our journey... Movers have taken our possessions and we loaded our car with nothing more than three suitcases, a computer, the blessed ice chest that Josh loathes so much and a couple of pillows. Tonight we head to Vegas, a familiar drive filled with memories of friends and family. Matt vomiting on Seigfreids face, craps with Jules, Blackjack with Dad- "Too Many!," alien jerky and most recently the bachelorette party of a lifetime! No need to repeat- "What happens here stays here."

Josh drives, as usual, and I contemplate life as I stare out the window at endless desert. I have a lot on my mind but I can't bring myself to talk about it. Last night was our annual fourth of July block party and all the usual suspects were present- except Kevin, Panama. It was all the same and all different. Everyone cornered me and asked about my life plans since we will be moving and we are married now. All I could come up with was this stock answer:
"Who knows what I'll do there. I could be a saleswoman, bartender, educator, counselor, Oprahs new best friend (sorry Gail)- hell- I could be the next pitcher for the Chicago Cubs!"

This lighthearted answer got me out of many uncomfortable conversations, but still didn't satisfy me- What the heck AM I going to do?! It's all so exciting and terrifying and overwhelming. I am ready for it while being completely unprepared.
My dad was jovial last night. We bopped away to "Smokin' Do Wop" and relived favorite family moments. Libations were flowing as usual- which always adds an element of danger and excitement to the spectacular fireworks demonstration! But I couldn't help but notice the tear in his eye as we said goodbye. He's not one to get choked up, so it made it harder to leave.

Mom on the other hand completely held it together as she casually waved and said, "It's no different than when you guys were in SD. We'll see you just as often!" Haylee buried her head into Mom's side whimpering, "I don't want Sisi to move!" I had to look away so that I didn't blubber like a baby.

This isn't real yet. This drive is so similar to the many times we have done it before, only the end is completely different. Tomorrow, we drive further east than we have ever gone before. There's no expectation of big winnings or drunken memories when we get to Sin City. Vegas is merely the first stop on our one way trip.