Friday, December 19, 2008

Do's and Dont's of Unemployment

Let's face it, this recession isn't clearing up anytime soon. And sadly, a few of us may be losing jobs as our country spirals further into the depths of this economic downturn. Now, should this happen, and of course we all hope it doesn't, there is no reason to huddle in a bomb shelter waiting out toxic economic fallout. I have bravely endured a difficult unemployment streak for you so that you don't have to learn the hard way (if there is one...) So here it is:

Do's and Dont's of Unemployment

DO: Wake up before noon. (Look, jobbers-don't judge us, we have no reason to wake up early so why not sleep?) The key is to not overdo it. You want to make sure you are still setting a time frame that is "appropriate." Sleeping too late messes up your circadian rhythms so you stay up into the wee hours of the night obsessively stalking-- I mean-- reading Ashley's blogs wishing you were somehow that freaking cool.

DONT: Call your husband many times during his workday just to relive the conversations you just had with your mother. And why not? Well, because what are you going to talk about when he gets home from a long day at work, silly! Nothing makes him happier than to come home to a bored wife with an hour's worth of replayed conversation.

DO: Create tasks for yourself throughout the day. Something like going to the grocery store may seem like a tedious task for others, but to you it is the essential function of the day to show you are contributing. And for goodness sakes, drag it out, I mean sure you can probably finish in less than an hour, but then you've got nothing to do for the rest of the day. Linger at the sample station, ask the deli counter for taste tests, engage the butcher in a recipe exchange. Trust me, grocery shopping quickly becomes your favorite activity.

DONT: Call your working friends during the day and ask "watcha doin?" This surely annoys them. Instead, just chat with them over AIM. They still may be annoyed for the interruption, but I have found they are more likely to talk for a very long time because the typing makes them sound busy. For instance, one friend is supposed to be saving the country from natural disasters and such, so when I call him on the phone he answers with a professionally hushed voice saying "kinda busy, what's up." However, ask him over instant message what he had for lunch and you would think D.C. has shut down for all the important details of "turkey on wheat."

DO: Change out of your pajamas. In my experience, if you walk outside to get the mail wearing polka-dotted flanels at 4:15 and say "Hi, how are you?" to the neighbor, it more or less traslates to "Hey, what are you looking at? It's not like I'm building a homemade explosives in the basemet, I just happen to have eaten and entire roll of cookie dough as my only meal today.... Shut up."

DONT: Eat an entire roll of cookie dough. It's not pretty.

DO: Oh, yea. Look for a job. I mean, after all this other stuff is taken care of.

Good Luck! Stick to these simple rules and you should have no problem dealing with the unbearable hassle of sitting at home all day while your husband goes to work and supports you. It's a tough life, but at least now you know how to survive! You're welcome.


Jules said...

hahahahaha...thats good...i like that

Anonymous said...

This is a good one. And the AIM, so true. Granted I'm not saving the country....but this is a world that needs to know what's new with Brit-Brit, Brangelina and J-Simps (you know you work at E! when you make up your own nicknames for your favorite celebs). So what are you waiting for, add me already! lbloomfield1.


Anonymous said...

I hope those mother conversations you shared with hubby were nice ones. MOM

Ashley said...

haha, ooooh shannon. why you so cute. i think i need to listen to your pj one. Sometimes when im home editing all day and dont get out of them.. never a good thing..

love ya!